Loser jobs for jerks

How to make a bad situation a little better
By Sour Boy and The Petty Tyrant

1 Be patient. Rushed paybacks are seldom funny and can result in getting your ass fired. (Example)
A while back me and mine had grown tired of a certain owners bullshit so we slipped him salt peter for three months and on the sly fattened up his girl-friend by sneaking her cheesecake and putting butter in her pad thai. The tension that grew in their relationship over the next few weeks was reward enough for any slights that may have been incurred. The point here is whether or not this had any effect on them it galvanized the kitchen and made us feel better about working for a real shit head.

2 A Quick fix. Sometimes this is key, a short sharp shock in order to make a point. The Petty Tyrant suggests a pound of ground lamb in a uncooperative dishwashers machine is all it takes to show that business is meant. Ive also had it in good authority that wearing green onions in your under pants and seasoning a nice noodle dish is a good way to passively rid yourself of murderous urges. Keep in mind this is only for the very daring just ponder how you would react and adjust your behavior accordingly.

3 In addition P.T especially likes the half litre of cold water into the fryer for morning guy...
(ed note please don't do this it makes bad things happen)

P.T would also like to add that the entire dishwashing machine is a time bomb in the hands of an expert. Watch the repair guy he'll often be happy to show you some fun tricks for a sandwich and a cold glass of cola. The timing wheels are a joy to behold..they never question and always do what they're told. Note how the door magnets signal the motor to run...now think for a minute "how does this help me?"...I recommend an little 9V electro-magnet and a slow capacitor. And if you can't pick a lock what good are you when the revolution comes?

4 Sometimes the simplest things work best... make your tricks and traps appear to be good ol fashioned wear and tear. Think chronic rather than acute damage to the psyche of your victim.
Clogged sinks...is that where the shrimp went???
A quick crimp of the pilot light tube in that pesky oven...
..or maybe that thermometer wire needs trimming...
Who knew the detergent, de-greaser and quick dry shouldn't mix in the dishwasher?
Judicious use of screwdrivers and pliers for loosening handles, hinges and things.
Know your water pipe layout and use it. Hot water heaters like their time off too. Temporary water shortages can really take the 'heat' off an otherwise busy day...
save leaky pots..you know the crappy riveted handle ones...and put them back in the rotation...hide the good ones.
roaches...help them live..they don't need much.

Whormet 2001